Trigger Warning: Sexual and physical abuse, mention of cults, domestic violence.
Finding Your truth is the biggest challenge to face. Often, the past dictates your future. It doesn’t have too.
Here is our truth
I was born in 1989, thirty one years ago. My father was abusive to my mother and I witnessed this abuse until they divorced when I was 2 years old. Do I have abandonment issues and “daddy” issues? Yes. But as an adult I learned not to hate my father. He was never really around and when he was it is nothing but scary and dangerous memories.
When I was 3 years old my mother joined a cult. Now, coming to terms with this was difficult but it is what it is. At the age of 4, three children in this same cult sexually assaulted me. The perpetrators were female which oddly shocks most people. Cults don’t protect children. They harm them and create monsters.
Throughout teen years we endured physical assaults by cult members, grooming by adults with negative intentions and countless other traumatic experiences.
In an attempt to escape, we left home at 17. We moved in with our very first boyfriend. This relationship turned mentally, verbally and physically abusive. We were with this person for 2.5 years. After this situation ended, we returned to the cult. Naturally, this was a mistake. At the age of 24, we were sexually assaulted again by a male perpetrator.
We lived in assisted living facilities from 2013 until our next abusive relationship at the end of 2015.
Assisted living was an extremely negative time, we were robbed by other residents, verbally abused by staff and physically assaulted a few times by a resident. Again in a misguided attempt to escape, we moved in with a person. We barely escaped with our lives and have not processed all the abuse we endured for that 2 year period.
That is the past that has left us fractured, anxious, sad, depressed, fearful, just frankly terrified most of the time.
Ultimately, the early years of trauma caused extreme damage. Dissociative Identity Disorder is caused by early childhood trauma. The personality of the child cannot fully integrate, but instead fractures into many personalities called alters.
We are a system of alters that seek to achieve functionality. There are 22+ of us that share this body. We have Autism, we have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder etc.etc.
That is us, our past shaped us and now we have good things in our life.
We have are our wonderful husband that is the best man we have ever known♡♡♡ He supports us, cares for us, loves us and we forever grateful to the universe for sending him to us.
Our wonderful friends that have supported us countless times♡. Through ups and downs you’re still here, thank you.
Life is life, struggle is struggle, but sooner or later it gets better. It is an uphill battle, but everyone has the power and strength to make it through. It will all be okay.
We are many and unique. We are the good that came from the bad.